On Social Labels, Invisible Contributions, and the Women Who Keep Germany Running

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We live in a world where people must function like robots. Women function, men function, and the big question is: Do we want to continue shaping such a world in the future? A world where a person’s value is measured by their economic productivity, their LinkedIn profile, the number of their business trips?

The Abundance Trap: When Everyone Tells You What You Should Be

When is a woman actually successful? This question occupies me not only as a mother of three children and a “starving artist,” but as an observer of a society that thinks in increasingly narrow categories.

There are women without children who have decided exclusively for their careers. She jets around the world in her private jet and proclaims: “This is true abundance.” That’s okay too. Because her view of abundance doesn’t have to resonate with mine. Even though I wouldn’t mind an extra vacation now and then! And then there’s the mother with six children and a caring husband who can financially support them all. She also says: “This is my abundance.” Even if she’s sometimes close to a nervous breakdown because she can no longer be herself. But that’s a topic for another post.

Two completely opposite life designs. And both are right.

Because something fundamentally important becomes visible here: Abundance is something deeply individual for every person. And yet we live in times when YouTube videos, influencers, and self-proclaimed experts constantly explain what abundance should be, what success means, how a woman should live. Everyone wants to put labels on things that I actually want to decide for myself. Labels can help us structure ourselves, give us security, but sometimes it’s just a bit too much “labeling.” There are 100 labels for sexual orientation. But does our life get better and gain quality because of this? Even that’s a topic for another post.

The Invisible Women: Mothers in Social Hotspots

A few years ago, I lived with my children in a social hotspot. There were many mothers there who had consciously chosen a particular life model. Some had five children from three different men. None of the fathers really cared. These women still chose this model. Consciously or unconsciously, that’s debatable. Nevertheless, these women make up an enormous part of our society. Because most of the time, it’s single mothers who live at the poverty line. Even major public figures who only grew up with their mothers have had times when they lived in poverty.

Of course, one could cynically say: “Maybe they just didn’t have more on the ball and that’s why they decided to have children and collect child benefits.” But this perspective misses something essential: These children are part of our ecosystem, part of this nation. These children shouldn’t have to pay for what their parents or sometimes just their biological creators did.

Before I had children myself, I always said: “Every child feels to me like it’s mine. I want to be a good aunt to every child.” Children always liked coming to me. I practically raised my nephew and niece almost like a substitute mom. Now, with three children of my own, I think: I wish I could be a mother to the whole world.

From heroic motives? No, simply because I think it’s beautiful to have this feeling of being a mother to every person. It’s about the spirit that emerges in the course of this view and this attitude.

Every woman can determine for herself where she sees herself. But we as a society must stop systematically devaluing certain decisions, especially when they benefit the common good and don’t actually cause harm.

A mother who works full-time usually no longer has the capacity to ensure that her talented child perhaps becomes the next state champion in their sport. Doesn’t have time to drive the children to clubs that are so important for Germany. A mother who works full-time simply cannot be a good mother to multiple children. Of course, you also need the conviction to really throw yourself into the whole thing. But that’s another matter.

When Partnership Falls Apart: The Structural Disadvantage of Single Mothers

It always becomes problematic when a woman decides to continue the path without a partner. Because then the children suddenly lack a lot – not necessarily emotional presence, but financial security. Often, part of the money that should actually belong to the children flows to the father’s new partner. This is not an isolated anecdote. This is structural reality for countless single mothers in Germany.

We don’t talk about the completely overwhelmed youth welfare offices that can no longer keep up with their work, or as I recently witnessed at a nearby youth welfare office: There was apparently an employee there who pressured women to sleep with him so they would have an advantage over the child’s father in disputes.

The interesting thing is that everyone knew about this man’s machinations, but he was too important for the system and was simply not removed. This is a major problem in our legal system. When I look at other countries, it’s similar. Justice is just a label now, but nothing anyone believes in anymore.

To be a mother and at the same time say “Maybe I just want to do this” – that’s already a radical position in our society. I had three children in four years. That means I had absolutely no capacity to do anything else except make music and write on the side. That was my salvation.

But I definitely know how I was looked at. The strange looks. The lack of recognition. The unspoken question: “And what do you do professionally?” – as if the answer “I’m raising three small people” wasn’t a valid answer.

Today I think: It’s so unnecessary how people look, what they think of you. Because in the end, you go your own way, and you chose this path.

System-Relevant Work: Raising Children Is Work for This Nation

But I would still wish that every woman – no matter what she decides – gets the recognition in society that she deserves. She has brought a universe into the world. She has brought an earth citizen into the world.

Let’s say this clearly: Every woman who brings a child into this country makes an added contribution to this country. That is already a form of abundance that she brings into society. And if she then also ensures that these children properly thrive, grow, and become successful in their own way – what is more valuable?

Of course, this is not only the mother’s merit, but above all the children’s themselves. But the foundation that mothers create – especially single mothers who often juggle between job, household, emotional work, and social devaluation under precarious conditions – this achievement is system-relevant.

We clap for healthcare workers, we talk about skilled labor shortages, but we ignore the women who are raising the next generation of skilled workers, healthcare professionals, artists, engineers, teachers.

True Abundance: A Definition That Only You Can Make

True abundance – it’s different for everyone. For me, the greatest abundance in my life so far was bringing three children into the world. (Of course, one jam session or another was also full of abundance, but that’s also a topic for another post).

It still feels like abundance that I can provide for them and accompany them on their path. When I stand at the sideline of my boys’ soccer game on the weekend and see how they get better with each game. When I cheer on our boys with the other moms as “ultra fans,” that’s abundance for me. When I see how my kids sometimes grow beyond themselves, that’s abundance. Questioning things. Questioning the universe. Questioning the world. Questioning history. Questioning oneself.

That is abundance for me.

For other women, abundance is something completely different. And that’s good.

But one thing should not be negotiable: The recognition of the achievement that mothers – and especially single mothers – make for this society. The recognition that care work is work. The recognition that raising children is not a side activity that you do “somehow on the side.”

We must stop pressing women into boxes. Stop telling them what success should mean for them. Stop leaving invisible work invisible.

The question is not: “When is a woman successful?”

The question is: “When do we stop measuring women’s success by standards that were never made for them?”

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This is the first part of a series on “A Woman’s Abundance – Definitions and Opinions.” In the coming days, I will dive deeper into personal stories, poetic reflections, and various perspectives. What definition of abundance do you carry within you?